Terrible Threes?

I'd heard all about the Terrible Twos . . . I'd geared up for them, I was ready. I figured after the terrifically hellish first year of non-stop screaming and never sleeping that was Annie, than the Terrible Twos were something I could handle. Then two came. And she was good. Like, really good. I mean sure, she still freaks out and has monstrous meltdowns from time to time, but she's a toddler not completely in control of her emotions or body, and that has to get frustrating. And she's independent like you wouldn't believe, but relatively reasonable in her independence, if that's possible. She gave up naps early, despite still needing them, and occasionally became a little crazy person in the afternoon due to sheer exhaustion. And despite all that "you let them cry asleep and they learn to sleep on their own" crap I've been fed, Annie still cries every single night before bed. Usually starting as soon as she realizes it's bedtime. But all in all, I was shocked to watch this well mannered, sweet, fairly even tempered two year old walking around claiming to be my daughter.

Now we're closing in on three. And OH MY GOODNESS . . . the child has gone insane. EVERYTHING is a battle. The tired afternoon crankiness has escalated to daily four hour plus stretches of sheer torture for all involved. Tantrums that last FOREVER. I used to be able to calm her down, get her to take deep breaths, cuddle in my arms and allow herself to settle down a little, or put her in her own space and she'd descalate on her own. Now each and every attempt to help her find her center is seen as a direct attack on her own personal free will, and she freaks out even more. Putting her somewhere secluded leads to us getting to listen to a very angry kid scream and throw stuff for 20 minutes or more. She has to do EVERYTHING on her own now, but often just won't. You can give her 15 minutes to pick out her own shoes, when it's finally past time to go and you just go and grab shoes and put them on her, she can scream for a good thirty minutes before someone is able to calm her down (usually not me). She can be so tired after a whole morning playing outside, that she can barely put one foot in front of the other, and yet if I put her down for a nap, she can scream and rant and throw things around her room for a good hour and a half. Never falling asleep . . . I just finally give up. She's started really freaking out in the car whenever we try to go somewhere. Either we didn't let her get in the right door, didn't let her get into her carseat the way she wanted, didn't strap her in the correct way (she never informs of this until we've made a 'mistake'.) The other evening, on a little Monday night family excursion, she wigged out as we drove down the street. I had Greg pull over and we tried to give her a chance to calm down. Finally, I unstrapped her, got her out and walked home with a shrieking (nearly) three year old and put her in bed (where she stayed for two hours, never falling asleep), while Ellie and Greg went out for some 'family time' minus half the family. The one that throws me the most though, is we had a nearly perfect transition from only child to older sister . . . she has always been either super sweet and helpful, or at the least just disinterested in Ellie. Lately (probably due to Ellie's new found extreme-mobileness) she has gone out of her way to 'put Ellie in her place'. Yesterday even getting a time out for just knocking the poor baby over. Just went up to her as Ellie was standing up against something, and shoved her over. Um, what?! She's never been like this before. She's constantly getting mad at Ellie. For touching her toy. Looking at her toy. Thinking about looking at or touching her toy. If Ellie cries (which is often) Annie yells at her to stop. If Ellie laughs loudly (which is often) Annie yells at her to stop. She's also turned on poor Greg. She is so tired and grumpy and overwhelmed in the afternoons, what with the no napping and all, but no matter what I've tried (short of driving to Provo, and that even only works half the time) she won't sleep. A lot of the time when Greg comes in from work, she happily greets him, or engages in a game of 'hidden Annie' and laughs and squeals in delight as she's found and tickled. But now, the other part of the time, she's moody and standoffish, and has, at times, swung at him and yelled, "NO! Go away!" Seriously, this kid worships her Dad . . . Mommy's not allowed even near the bedtime rituals now because she so prefers all things Dad at night, but lately she's just gotten, well, mean. Sleeping has become even more of a nightmare than before (which is saying something). I mean, seriously, THREE YEARS OLD next month and we still have crying it out every single night. And it takes forever, unless Greg goes in and holds her hand or sits next to her (which I think it a 'control' issue on her part) . . . but then she just wakes up in the middle of the night, comes in and informs me that Daddy left her room and needs to come back, or she just wants into bed with us. We had MONTHS of none of these problems. Her sleeping through the night without leaving bed (although, she never has gone to bed without crying, that's been a problem since birth . . . and I can kinda imagine the kid in her freshman dorm, sobbing about how nobody loves her, she's afraid, or she just wants ONE MORE BOOK read to her.)
I know, that like all things (except the sleep thing, seriously, I'm no longer sure she'll EVER outgrow it) it's a phase. She'll grow out of it, grow up. Probably too quickly. She's still a sweet kid, she 'mothers' all her little friends who come over (especially the little boys), she's polite and usually very respectful, can be such a caretaker, she is genuinely concerned about other people and their feelings. She can be so sweet and loving to her little sister, and to her parents. I think she's just possessed the other half of the time. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

Note: I heard her scold, "Don't look at me, Ellie! NO!! Don't look at me!" when I first started writing this. Poor Ellie looked confused. But by the end, let's say 5-10 minutes later at the most, she's singing Ellie songs she's made up and 'teaching' her a little game she just made up using a flashlight she just found under my bed. Of course, in the time it took to write that last sentence, she changed dramatically, and yelled, "Ellie! Don't drop it! I told you that! If it lands on my toe it would hurt me BAD!") Now they're laughing. I think toddlerhood is inherently bipolar.