The 'Extended' Version

Being faced with a few more months of flu season, and having been hit with the actual flu in my own kids awhile back, I spent my fair share of time looking some stuff online. Ellie fared so much better than her big sister with swine flu, and my reading pretty much confirms my gut instinct: it's because she was still nursing. While Annie was running a 103.5 degree fever, she refused to eat or drink anything. I forced her to take little sips, and bribed her with popsicles she barely made a dent in. Ellie, on the other hand, did what comes naturally to babies who feel like crap, she nursed. And nursed. And nursed. Almost every hour at the height of her illness. In stark contrast to her big sister, she was lively and energetic and cute as a button as she happily jumped on beds and danced to music while being our family's youngest swine flu victim. (Even when her fever was over 103.) Our doctor told us she typically treats children under two with Tamiflu, but that Ellie obviously didn't need it. She was being treated by breastmilk, something that not only treated her symptoms, but helped her own body fight the disease.

This all happens to be one of the very reasons I'm an 'extended' breastfeeder.

I'd always planned on nursing. Probably for a year or so, if it worked for us. Give or take. I knew I wanted to avoid buying expensive formulas if at all possible. So, I planned on nursing, you know, 'til my kids just weaned. Magically. That's how it worked in my head. My Mom had nursed all of her kids, and all of them had weaned themselves (with no encouragement on her part) around a year. They were just done. So, around the year mark with Annie, I kept expecting her to like wake up one day and be done. She was only really nursing once or twice a day at the time, so I imagined it would just happen sooner or later. But, it didn't. Then as we closed in on 15 months, and I was starting to feel some pressure to wean, we were getting ready to go on a Caribbean cruise, and I liked the idea of being able to nurse her to calm her down on the plane, and in other countries in case she got sick. So, at 15 months, we were still nursing (Annie screamed the whole flight anyway) and when we came home I felt like I had a decision to make. How much longer were we gonna do this?

I wasn't getting a ton of pressure to wean, just a few negative comments here and there. My Mom had nursed all her kids when it was seen as a bit of a 'weird' thing to do and had to deal with a ton of horribly negative comments, people accusing her of starving her children by denying them formula, even including many comments from my Grandmother who asked her at one point if she was planning on going to Kindergarten with my younger sister to nurse her (the baby was less than a year at that point). She said she'd never regretted a second nursing her children, and had been sad when her last few weaned earlier than she'd been expecting. So, I'd had some very positive breastfeeding examples in my life, and I'd had an easy and good experience with nursing thus far (and I totally realize how lucky I am, I know breastfeeding can be an incredibly stressful and even hard thing for some people), but I'd never expected to nurse this 'long'.

But, at the same time, nothing felt more natural than feeding my baby girl. Every morning Annie would wake me up earlier than I wanted to get up, I'd go in and get her, and we'd curl up and nurse and both drift back in and out of sleep. My babies are not cuddly kids -- nursing is pretty much my only chance to just cuddle with them, curled up in the crook of my arm, and there was part of me that knew I'd miss those morning moments with Annie. But, I was now pregnant with Ellie and thought I 'should' wean. So, one morning, rather than curl up and go back to sleep with Annie, we just got going for the morning. She didn't even seem to notice we hadn't nursed. That day she was a little fussier than normal, and ended up throwing up throughout the evening. By the next morning, she was throwing up a lot, but refused to drink any water. I was in tears, not being able to get my tiny toddler (about 16 months old at the time) to eat or drink anything, when Greg (the more logical of the two of us) asked, "Um, why don't you try nursing her?" I was all, "Um, 'cause we've weaned now. Duh." He responded, "Less than a day ago, I'm sure you still have milk . . . " I felt kind of stupid that I hadn't even thought about it. I nursed her though. And she didn't throw up. She'd kept something down. The next 24 hours were a blur, 'cause I was nursing her almost hourly, just trying to get my milk back in. The next month and a half were a nightmarish time of vomiting and intestinal issues that threatened to land my baby in the hospital. We were at the doctor's constantly, running tests and getting her blood checked, and each and every time my doctor would tell me that any other baby would be in the hospital on IVs. He was shocked that this child wasn't dehydrated. They'd check her blood, convinced her levels would be so out of whack, and each time they were perfect. She barely even lost any weight, and she nursed almost exclusively the whole time she was sick. It was our miracle. They finally pinned down the parasite that was terrorizing her system, got her pumped full of the right drugs, and a few weeks later I weaned. And it felt right. I had accomplished something amazing by nursing, I had kept my child healthy during a horrific time. And now we were both done. We weaned. And I was good with that. No regrets.

So, when Ellie was born, I wondered how long we'd nurse. I was no longer 'weirded out' by breastfeeding during the second year. When I was younger I remember a family friend who nursed her three year old, and I was freaked out. I think I've matured since then. Personally, can I imagine nursing my three year old? No, not really. But I can't discount anyone else's decision to do so. At one point I would've thought it was a little weird to nurse a 16 month old (despite almost all major health organizations outside of the U.S. encouraging breastfeeding through 2 years old age . . . even our own country, not the biggest supporters of breastfeeding, advising feeding through the first year and beyond), but when they were my own little babies, these tiny little girls that just wanted to cuddle and be comforted and feel better when they were teething or were just hungry. Nothing felt more natural than nursing my kids. And I think each day that both a mother and child are both still interested in nursing, it's normal and natural. Kids will lose interest at different times, some kids are completely done with nursing at 7 months, despite their mother's protests . . . others may want to nurse 'til they're two or even longer. Mothers should have a say too, of course . . . nursing can be wonderfully fulfilling for some, and a huge stressor or pain in the butt for others. My opinion is, as long as it's working for both parties, what's the problem? I still get occasional comments about nursing Ellie. Not many, as most people don't realize I still do it. I'm not hiding it by any means, I just believe Ellie's old enough that there's no longer a need to nurse her while we're out. She's one and a half, she can make it through Church or out shopping for the day without nursing. In fact, she usually just nurses in the morning and/or at bedtime at this point unless she's sick. The most common thing I do hear though is, "I think breastfeeding is fine, until the baby can ask for it, then it's just weird!" OK, I have to say, that makes absolutely no sense to me. I mean, I get that in a culture where breastfeeding isn't as prevalent as it could be, it can make people uncomfortable to have a baby pulling at their Mom's shirt or sticking their hand down Mom's blouse. But really, once a baby can ask for it, 'it's weird'? We start teaching our kids sign language around 5 months these days, just so they're able to tell us what they want! We don't stop giving them bottles 'cause they reach for one. Before Ellie could say the word, she'd walk into the kitchen, point up to the corner countertop where we kept bananas and just point and stare until someone retrieved her yellow prize. What was I supposed to say, "Sorry kid, now that you can tell me specifically that you want a banana, that kinda freaks me out. Strawberries for you!" In every other aspect of their lives, we look forward to these milestones of communication, but as soon as they can tell us they want to breastfeed, we should be done? That one is just baffling for me. Ellie being able to communicate with me has never played any role in deciding when to wean.

Ellie's now 19 months old. And I don't know how much longer we will or will not nurse. There are days I feel done with it, but a big part of me, probably due to a touch of PTSD over Annie's extreme illness around this age, leads me to want to keep nursing (at least once a day, to keep my milk up) through cold and flu season. 'Cause what if Ellie needed me, and I couldn't provide for her? Her tiny 20 lb. frame wouldn't do well with extended illness, ongoing vomiting, and I have the power within me to help her to be healthy. I'm not ready to give that up yet. So, maybe Spring. We'll see.

Random, probably-should-be-unnecessary-but-just-in-case disclaimers:
• Basically -- the point of this post obviously wasn't to comment on anyone else's breastfeeding choices or decisions. Not to be 'all about me', but hey, it is my blog -- and this was all about my decisions surrounding breastfeeding. And why they're cool for us. :-)
And how people who makes negative comments about the fact I still breastfeed are weanies. Think it's weird, that's fine, I used to too . . . but to actually say something mean about it is just, well, mean. :-)
• My doctor, my midwife, and our pediatrician are all perfectly OK with me nursing while pregnant, and are in fact, very supportive of it. (In fact, Ellie's pediatrician is over the moon about the fact I still nurse -- she asks me each time I come in if we're still nursing, then squeals in delight when I say we are -- she told me she would love to see more 18 month check ups with nursing babies. She's especially happy that teeny, tiny Ellie is such a good nurser -- Ellie won't drink milk to save her life, so her continuing to get the protein and calories from nursing is one of the best things we could be doing for her.)
• I'm all for breastfeeding, I think it's an miraculous, wonderful way to feed my kids. But, I'm grateful that there are amazing and healthy alternatives for the Moms and babies for whom breastfeeding doesn't work -- whether for physical, emotional, time, preferences or stress related reasons. Not everyone can nurse (although, I think with more support and education, more women who were told by their doctors that they 'can't' nurse would find they could), or wants to, and that's cool too. And some women nurse 'til 2 months and some 'til 2 years . . . both decisions are personal and should be judgment free.
• I am a tad defensive of breastfeeding -- not because I think there's anything 'better' about a Mom who breastfeeds, or for how long, but that I find it so frustrating how much the medical community can be unsupportive of, and even work detrimental to, successful breastfeeding. I had one friend who was basically told at her son's two week checkup that she obviously wasn't built for breastfeeding, he wasn't gaining enough, and she should just stop for the good of her son. The problem here, she was dirt poor and couldn't afford the formula. So she stuck with it. Within just a few months her son had literally doubled his already hefty birth weight and by 6 months he was well over 20 lbs. Having never had a single thing but his mother's milk. And she was supposedly not 'built for breastfeeding' according to the doctor she trusted and went to for advice. My last pediatrician told me to start supplementing Ellie at 6 months because he didn't like that her weight gained had slowed down -- despite all the research showing that a healthy breastfed baby often follows a curve of weight gain that includes rapid weight gain the first several months, then a 'stalled' or slowed period where they may even plateau for a month or so. And they're perfectly healthy and gaining just how they should. I decided not to supplement (plus, I didn't see him offering to pay for the added expense of formula) because I knew she was healthy and well fed. And she's perfectly fine. I just wish more healthcare providers were more supportive of, and more knowledgeable of, breastfeeding.
I understand that it can be a frustrating, even painful, experience for many, but I am personally of the opinion that if there was more upfront support, education and if our culture overall was more supportive of breastfeeding, there would be fewer problems for fewer women. It would at least give more women the option of trying it, prepared and knowledgeable, before they made the decision if it works for them and their family. But I think overall, our culture is definitely headed in the right direction.
• Again, I can't stress how lucky I've been. It's come pretty easy for me, my children have latched on from the get go without problems, and I'm at home all day with them. I'm in pretty much the most ideal set up one could ask for. I have a friend who worked 50+ hours a week from 6 weeks on, and pumped for a solid year, pumping sometimes three and four times a day, often at work, to make sure the daycare freezer was filled with enough milk to last her daughter all the way through the first year. I honestly can say -- I could NOT have done that. I wouldn't have even wanted to. But I reminded myself at times, when I wanted to whine about late night feedings, that I had it about as easy and blessed as once could have it in a nursing situation.
• In my not-always-s0-humble opinion, nursing should be culturally acceptable as long as it is working for both child and mother -- whether that be 3 weeks or 3 years. There are so many factors, so many past experiences, so many preferences, so many personalities that nobody that is not personally that mother or that child has the right to judge another's breastfeeding decisions.