My initial reactions to finding out we were having girls the first two times around was elation, followed by a dose of relief that was along the lines of, "Phew, we don't have to decide on circumcision yet." Finding out this time around we were having a boy was surprising, followed by a bit of a lump in the throat of, "Eeep, no more putting it off -- we're gonna have to really decide what we think on the topic."
So, for the last month or more, that's what I've been doing. Thinking about, trying to decide, on circumcision. Dang, it ain't easy. I mean, it may be for some people, but it hasn't been for me. I'd always kinda thought I'd do the whole, "I'll let my husband decide, him being the only other male in our home," thing and then we'd discuss the decision, but pretty much just do what was important to him. Problem is, he's as torn on it as I am. I can list pros and cons in the same breath, and never swing more than a fraction on an inch either direction from the very real line of "I have no freaking idea." One minute the scale of the circumcision is tipped just barely to doing it, and then a minute later, it's back to 'better to just leave things as nature intended.' I can list a plethora of reasons for either side, some that make Greg laugh out loud at me when I'm forcing him to discuss this at 12:30 in the middle of the night with me.
I'm not trying stir anything up, but if you have an opinion, and wouldn't mind sharing . . . feel free. Be nice about it and all, as I really feel like this is an important decision for each set of parents to make, but you know, probably not the single most important decision one will make in parenting. And these things tend to get ugly fast sometimes. But I would love to read (feel free to send links) what influences your thoughts on the topic!
Just a few of my very own random thoughts:
• Pretty much nobody really claims a lot of medical necessity anymore. Are there some things circucision can prevent? Yeah, probably. Some. Are those problems running rampant, sterilizing a generation of uncircumcised males. No. No, they're not.
• Are there risks to the procedure itself? Again, not rampantly, but mistakes do happen.
• Cultural /cosmetic /'norm' reasons make me feel kinda shallow. But, who says shallow reasons don't count for something? Maybe not everything, but something?
• What are the real cleanliness issues? I think the pro-circ camp overinflates these, as I think the body's system is designed to work intact, obviously, so basic hygiene should cover things.
• Who's to say boys are proficient at basic hygiene?
• There's horror stories from both camps -- but what stock should be put in horror stories? I need to base my decision on the norms of both situations, not the exceptions.
• There's a whole bunch of issues that bounce around in my head dealing with stuff I'm not gonna write about on the internet. :-) These tend to be the ones that get Greg laughing at me.
• Oh, and I immediately tune out/stop reading when parallels are drawn to female genital mutilation . . . it just doesn't work for me. Too different. I respect that some people see the two things in the same light, but I don't, and when it comes up in an argument (like on a website), I find something else to read.
(Edited to ask: If you've made this decision before, was it an easy one? Are we the only freaks who're agonizing over it like this? Was it a no-brainer for you? Did you start out feeling passionately one way or another? Anyone change their mind during the pregnancy from what was originally a strong stance? I'm so curious about how people arrive at their decision on this, since it's become much more difficult than I'd imagined!)
19 comments:
Today I'm in the don't do it crowd!
** sticking head in sand **
I think you should just start taking random polls of men to see if they are or aren't and then get their thoughts on the subject ;)
Cause that wouldn't be awkward at all.
I'm much like you. I don't really see a reason to do it, but I'm not against it either. I'll probably let David decide. Here's hopin' he's opinionated ;)
I'm close to someone who chose not to circumcise, for many reasons as I sure you have read about; their biggest reason being it supp. makes the male orgasm better. Unfortunately, their baby boy ended up with three severe UTIs his first year of life, including a hospitalization early on, and then 5 months of continuous daily antibiotics to prevent further UTIs, with the chance of having to circumcise their son as a toddler anyway. They had a hard time with things, and I suppose this story can go for the pro-circumcise side, although you know the stats for both sides, and it is difficult knowing what to do, either way... Good luck!
This is a difficult decision to make, and I think it's great that you and your husband are talking about it. We chose to circumcise our son, who is now almost three, and are happy with our decision...wouldn't have it any other way. If we have more boys, they will be circumcised. I would recommend circumcision, but know that the decision is yours to make. Whatever you decide, Good Luck!
I have always said I'll leave it up to their dad because I don't have one. With my first son his father wasn't circumcised and he insisted that our son get one. My hubby now is also not circumcised but when we had a little boy he wanted to leave him the way he was. I said I didn't care either way. Well now I regret that. My older sons just seems more normal. My baby sons foreskin seems so tight in fact sometimes when he pees his foreskin fills up like a water balloon before it trickles out of the tip. We've taken him to a couple of doctors and we get mixed reactions some say its normal for babies so young and others say its not and he will have to get a circumcision. They all say we should wait until he is 5. I'm really upset by this My friends son had to have one at 5 and it was traumatic. If I could do it again I would have gotten him circumcised.
-Janis
We did Kyle. We decided to do it for cultural norms (although it's becoming less norm) and to keep him looking the same as the other male in our house.
He had some problems with the cut area sticking to other areas. It had to be forcefully pulled off of those areas which was not fun. That said, I kept neosporin on it forever after that and things were fine. If you do decide to do it, put neosporin on it daily for a couple months just to be safe.
FYI if you thought girls had a bunch of cracks and crevices to clean after a dirty diaper, just wait. Boys are way harder to get clean, and there is always the chance of showers during the process. Without the circumcision there will be one more crevice to clean out.
Even with the problems I'm glad we did it, and we'll do it again if needs be.
From a medical standpoint (as that is the only standpoint I have) circumcision reduces the risk of UTIs and STDs. Cleanliness is definitely a factor. However, the statistical significance of this reduction in infection is not great. The medical community is now on the fence for a variety of reasons: insurance not wanting to pay for it, risks of infection not being huge, cultural changes, etc. I can vouch for circumcision being way way worse if you do it past infancy. Even 6 months later. Some of the literature also says that sexual satisfaction is greater in uncirced males, but that is a difficult statistic to produce, as it is different males giving opinions rather than the same pre and post circ. Other literature says that satisfaction is greater if you are circumcised. Honestly, we reviewed lots and lots of literature and couldn't come to a consensus, because no one really knows which is better and it is definitely a hot subject.
I would happily share more, but really there isn't a "right answer". Just do what your gut tells you to. And know that most insurance plans no longer cover the circ, so you would have to pay out of pocket, which means you would want to get it done in the first week or two or it becomes much much more expensive. That is, if you decide to do it.
I'm all for it. Our pediatrician at the hospital gave us all sorts of good reasons for doing it as well, so we went for it.
Talk to your pediatrician and see what they have to say about it...
As you know, I am sitting right in the middle of the fence with you. We'll see in two weeks if I am in the same boat as you and have to decide on what to do with the wee one's wee one. (Like all my cliches....)
Thanks everyone who's commented so far, I appreciate it!
I'm hoping the ultrasound shows a little boy Jessi -- not just you too are forced to make this decision :-), but 'cause I want every pregnant woman I know to have boys alongside mine :-)
I actually did ask at my pediatrician's office, and got an ever so helpful response of: "We circumcised our son, because my husband was . . . I left it up to him, I didn't care one way or another. One of the other doctors in our practice has left his children intact, the other's kid is circumcised -- so, whatever you want." That was less useful. :-) But it does really bring home how much it's just a personal decision that's so individual, if pediatricians in the same office are making different medical choices for their kids!
It definitely is a touchy subject for some. We did not have Isaac circumcised, though it was a tough decision until we really looked into it. The statistics on circumcision are quite interesting. The USA is almost the only place that routinely circumcises babies anymore. I thought that was bizarre, which is why I looked more into it. We went to people we know who aren't and are (okay, Dave asked, not me!) and we had some men say that they wished they were and some wished that they hadn't been. Not helpful, I know. Anyway, I am glad we didn't, but can also see why people choose to do it. Good luck!
We didn't circumcise my two boys. but that was because Simon isn't. That way they all look the same. I don't think there is a right or wrong on this one. Its just what you feel should be done.
Living in Europe, no one is circumcised. It makes my husband feel a bit weird in the sauna, but overall it doesn't affect his life. Unless there are big problems, the good thing is it probably wont matter too much in the long run. Very few people will see it anyway.
Although I am dreading this decision someday, I still lean towards circumcision for cleanliness reasons.
Good luck with your choice! And congrats on the baby boy.
I say do it. I never even thought twice that I wouldnt do it with Dallin and neither did David it was just always it will be done.
I am a little supirsed that there are still people that dont do it actually ha ha.
I would say the reason that we did do it is so he would look like all the other boys in the lockerroom ha ha and also they did it and we didnt even know it was going on. Its definaly not something that you want to see I will tell you that. So after they brought him back in to us it was all done and taken care of. Just have to keep the jelly on the diaper for about a week or so while it is healing so that it doesnt stick to the diaper but it really was not a big deal.
Whatever you decide to do will be fine but we thought if you do it when they are born they dont even remember it and they dont have to do it later on in life. (if thats what they decide to do) when it will be something that they remember and need therapy for lol.
So I say go for it we will be doing it to the baby when he comes as well. But if you decide not to he will still be great I cant want to see him :)
I have two boys, am married to a European (who didn't have much of an opinion on the subject), and chose to leave them as NATURE made them. Based on my own personal experience, circumcised or not, it has to do with personal hygiene! Try looking at the difference between a circumcised baby and non circumcised baby. That should speak for itself. There is just something painful and wrong about the whole thing.
Gosh! I'm so glad you asked! I've enjoyed reading all of the feedback. We circumcised our first son for the superficial cosmetic reasons. Then the next two just to keep things uniform. I'm sure we'll circumcise this last one as well, though it still does pain me to think of the poor little thing getting cut like that...even if he'll never remember. No, I certainly didn't watch any of the procedures get done, and we never had any complications with any of them, though I do have a friend who had some pretty bad complications after her son's. I'm a little worried this time around since we still haven't found a pediatrician that we love here in town. It's important to have a skilled hand when it comes to something like this!!! Good luck with the decision!
Not to overshare, but my husband was not circumsized and I often got yeast infections unless he was recently showered. Ick. Also, he hated it because he was different from all the boys at school, and it was traumatic to his young psyche. I don't have strong feelings on it either way, but he really wanted any of his sons to have a circumcision.
Our decision was similar to another comment on here. I was torn about it, but asked my husband, and he was insistent due to the cosmetic reasons. He didn't want our little guy having any issues in the locker room. I was nervous about the trauma of it all. My bro-in-law was in the room when my nephew was circed and he said it was just awful. I was almost sick to my stomach when our little guys was taken to have it done. And then all during my pregnancy I was terrified of taking care of it afterward. But in the end, it wasn't a big deal. The baby was on tylenol for a day or two, and then he was fine. Kept gauze and vasoline on it for about a week, and it was not biggie. I wanted to do it also for hygenic/medical reasons. But now the little guy has such a "healthy fat patch" behind his peenie (according to the pediatrician), that his little thing "turtles in" all the time, and we have to push it out every time we change his diaper or the foreskin re-attaches. Twice the doctor has had to push it back at checkups, and we've risked infection from having it re-attach. Ouch! I am DETERMINED not to let it re-attach again, but telling our daycare people they have to push it back every time--that's a little awkward--necessary but awkward. Bottom line, even with the small complication, I'd do it again.
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