"That's a Bad Word"

I remember the first time I said a 'bad word' in front of a kid.  I was having a conversation, when suddenly my friends' child, who was sitting next to me, gasped and said, "You said the 's' word!"  I was shocked, "No, I didn't!" I gasped back.  Not only is that not a word I routinely throw out in random conversations, but it's most definitely not something I'm gonna say in front of a young child!  He glares at me and says, "Yes, you did, you said," then dropping to a whisper, "stupid."

I stood there for a second, and it kinda took all I had not to argue with a six year old that that was quite possibly the dumbest (or stupidest) thing I'd ever heard -- that's not the 's' word.  That's not swearing.

And yet, here we are, years later and I hear at least a few times a week from my children, "Mom! Stupid's a bad word!"

Here's the thing.  I don't think 'stupid' is a bad word.  I think there are some words that we should teach our children not to say, then there are words we should teach them to use judiciously.  And yet, here I am teaching my kids not to say the word 'stupid', 'cause I don't want them to be the 'foul mouthed' child at someone else's house.  I don't want another adult correcting my child in public, "Don't say stupid, that's not nice."  So, for now, we've just told them not to use the word stupid.  Which has backfired horribly on me, 'cause I'm constantly being reamed for my usage of this pseudo-swear-word. 


But seriously, some things are stupid.  And I want my children to understand that.  And I want them to know how to use the word appropriately.  Not just put a kibosh on a completely legitimate, useful word.  Should I allow my children to ever call another person stupid (even possibly one who is being stupid) . . . no, I don't think so.  I wouldn't allow that, it would fall under 'name calling', which is something I'm trying to teach them not to use.  (Even if Ellie was calling people 'Bobo Monkies' last night).  But running in the street.  That's just stupid. Trying to balance a wildly out of whack budget without touching on military spending but wanting to cut PBS, that's just stupid.  I want my kids to understand that some things are just bad ideas, and in fact, they're stupid.   But apparently, I can't let them say it without people calling them on it and telling them not to use bad words.  Don't words have the power we assign them -- do we really need to 'create' new bad words?  Don't we already have enough?  I get that some families are going to allow their kids to use the word 'behind', some will say 'bottom', others will refer to their child's backside as 'their pockets' and some just might cry out at dinner for the sixth time, "On your BUTT!  Now!"   I have no problem with each family picking the words they're most comfortable using, and encouraging use of said words.  But does it actually do any of us any good to arm our children with more ways to 'classify' people as good or bad, by teaching them that people who say words we don't are being 'bad'.  Or, are we all better off teaching our children a single standard of politeness and decency that raises to the highest common denominator?  I want my kids at the highest common denominator, don't I?  Then why is it I think fake swear word standards are just so, well, stupid?  (And yet, here I am, teaching them not to say it, even when I don't agree with the logic . . . that's stupid too, right?)




(Edited to add:  here was a comment I left below that probably better clarified where my real issues with this lie:
My kids would be in big trouble if I heard them call a friend 'stupid' . . . name calling, especially bullying, is pretty zero-tolerance around here.  You know how I feel about this :-)
And maybe a distinction between using the word as descriptive vs. insulting is one small children can't make for awhile, thus the ban on the word.  I just really have this weird issue with outright banning a word, that can be usefully descriptive, from our vocabulary, and making it 'bad', when I don't feel it necessarily has to be.  But, they're little kids, and it's identified in their circles as 'bad', so what choice do I have but to ban it too?  I just got thinking about this last night, when a dog ran in front of our car and I pointed out it was stupid for the dog to run in the road in front of a vehicle.  Ellie immediately ripped me a new one for saying a 'bad word', and I was just sitting there trying to argue with my three year old that , 'no, in this instance, that is a very apt word -- that it is very stupid for the dog to run in front of traffic 'cause it could be killed for playing in the road.'  I guess 'it's a bad idea' is the same concept, but I wanted the situation to have more gravity. 
I also found that since we 'banned' the word stupid, NOW the girls will call each other that when they're mad, whereas before, they never did.  I now have to get really upset with them and do time outs and stuff over a word that had never crossed their minds before to use meanly.  I guess that's my big issue -- by banning it, have I given it more power and made it more negative that it had to be?)

Dear Daylight Savings,

Dear Daylight Savings,

  You were supposed to help me out here, dude.  As my kids have slowly transitioned to going to bed at 9PM instead of 8:00 or even earlier, I kept just waiting for you to come.  "Daylight savings will save us, our kids will go down at 8 or earlier again," Greg and I would tell ourselves.  And as the kids have been sleeping a little later (8AM or even later for Annie), I would think, "I can handle the waking up earlier.  It'll just be 7AM like it used to, and then we'll have more time to get ready for preschool so there'll be less stress and yelling of, 'What did you do with your backpack now?!'" and "I told you to get shoes on ten minutes ago!"

   I remembered back to Spring, before you made your visit for the season, when my children would sleep from 7:30PM-7:30AM almost every night and our sleep life was perfect (we also didn't have a four month old around, I acknowledge that part isn't your fault).  Then you came, and everything was turned on it's head.  My kids wouldn't go to sleep until 8:30 or so, and yet still woke up at 7:30 or earlier every morning, as if they had a clock in their heads.  They lost an entire hour of sleep that one night and never regained it.  I'm not afraid to admit that I blamed you.  Exclusively.  And rather bitterly.  I muttered a few choice things under my breath about your very existence. 

   But here it was, Fall.  You had a chance to redeem yourself Daylight Savings.  You really did.  I was fully prepared to have the kids up at 7AM again, but I couldn't wait for them to be in bed before 9PM and to gain that hour of precious evening time for Greg and I to talk like adults and not have to yell stuff in the direction of our daughters' room like, "You've already had three drinks, you're just going to pee through your diaper!" or "I've already kissed all your dolls, just go to sleep!" or "If you two don't stop talking, one of you will have to go sleep in the bathroom!"

   Call me naive, but I was hopeful.  Couldn't wait for your arrival again.

   You screwed me over Daylight Savings -- I don't know how you did it, but my kids went to bed after 9:15 last night, and Ellie was up at 6-freaking-30.  You accomplished nothing. 

   Thanks a lot for that.

Sincerely,
Not-Your-Biggest-Fan,
Hilary

Attn: Star