How Happy are You?

I read a post on Blog Segullah this morning, and have been thinking about it ever since.
The article is about a recent study that states that women of today are less happy than in generations past, and men are happier. Then the author talks about the reasons she feels that is true.

I've thought about this a lot, as it seems that myself and many of my peers just seem to 'struggle' more than a lot of our mothers did in our roles and our attitudes and feelings towards being a Mom. Maybe our Moms just aren't remembering things the way they really were, or maybe they didn't feel the same conflict in roles and responsibilities that we do now. Maybe they didn't feel only the pull of a myriad of responsibilities, but more so, maybe they didn't have to deal with the same plethora of opportunities.

For what it's worth, I am much happier than I was at 20. More stressed at times, more frustrated, and I spend more time at the 'end of my rope'. But definitely happier. Life has more purpose, and I'm surrounded by people who love me absolutely.
I often wonder if I'd grown up in another time, raised my children in another era, how that would affect my frustration level. If I'd started having kids at 20, never having had a career of my own for nearly a decade, how would my satisfaction level as a mother be different? How would that affect how I rate 'fulfillment' in my role?
Being a Mom is the greatest thing I've ever experienced. I don't handle it perfectly, I make a lot of mistakes, but I've also never done something that I've felt as 'made' for . . . I look at my girls and realize on a deep, profound level, that nobody on earth could love these two people the way I do. I have a firm belief that I was created to be able to mother. I remind myself of that when there are times I feel like things are getting out of control, out of hand. But how is my experience as a mother different than my own Mom's, or Grandma's?

The post talked about several things I've given lots of thought to and how they affect me and those I care about:
• "We live in a very “me-focused” society . . . Self is pre-eminent in this day and age."
• "We live in a very “therapeutic society” . . . constantly lying down on our virtual couches, taking our own temperatures, assessing our state of happiness/unhappiness in a way that other people didn’t in the past."
• "Those who study human life cycle development will tell you there has been a marked prolonging of adolescence and a delayed assumption of adult roles."
• "You don’t have to fill all your own needs in order to really be happy and help others, in fact we’re told in service and losing ourselves, we find ourselves."
• "The interesting part of this study too is that men are getting happier (while they attribute it to decreased pressure to be the sole breadwinner), I find it interesting that men, as compared with previous generations, have become more involved in housework and the care of their children."
• "Our culture teaches us that freedom and leisure = happiness. Face it, kids and domestic life are the opposite of leisure and freedom."


The following is probably the quote that stuck out the most to me:

"If you see happiness pleasure, a mere emotion, something you can’t control, then having children probably will make you less happy. Yet if you view happiness a choice, something we assign to our lives when we are doing something we feel is important and has purpose, despite our momentary emotions - you probably won’t feel the same way."

Are women really less happy than they were in generations past? Now that we have microwaves, minivans and don't have to wash clothes out on a line? And if so, why? I don't feel unhappy, but I know a lot of Moms who struggle with this . . . and many of us seem to find this whole motherhood gig tougher than we ever thought it'd be. I love blogging (obviously) . . . but what, if any, affect has it had on maternal satisfaction levels? My Mom is constantly 'shocked' by how many young mothers social needs are met online and through blogging, rather than face to face play dates and girls nights out. Are we pulling too far away from face to face socializing? How does that affect our thoughts on, and ability to cope with, motherhood? But, at the same time, doesn't blogging bring the whole world of human (and mother) experience right to our homes, where we can always find someone who's gone through what we are currently dealing with? I know finding others that understood extreme colic to be helpful, as I didn't feel as much like the only Mom in the world who's baby was possessed. But again, was too much time spent trying to find and read and analyze the problems we were having, rather just dealing with it and living through it and getting past it? (I'm totally just stream of conscience babbling here, I haven't actually decided how I feel about any of this.) Now that I'm out of the work force, I know I miss daily interaction and face to face time with other adults . . . do I rely too much on the internet, phone and email to connect me with others now, all the while conveniently getting my dishes done or letting the baby nap? How would my life be different, how would my experience as a Mother be different, if I got more face to face time with other adults, specifically Moms. (I actually do get together with other women at least a few times a week, while the girls are playing with their kids. And much like how once Annie got a taste for friends, she now asks me everyday when a friend is coming over to play, now that I am more used to different women coming over and just hanging out and talking, I feel a loss when that doesn't happen enough.) How would things for me be different if that time was doubled, and I took all strangers blogs out of my google reader? (I don't know where I'd start.) But again, blogging is something that I've enjoyed immensely. It has connected me with new friends, and definitely brought old friends back into my life in a way they wouldn't have been. So a blend of 'real life' and 'virtual life' is not only possible, but has broadened my social circle in a very positive way.
OK, I'm totally just randomly typing here, I've even complete focus and direction, but those are some of the thoughts shooting around in my head. That I'm now sharing with the internets! What are your guys' thoughts?

Friends

I've been feelin' awfully nostalgic lately.

And not just 'cause I've been watching far too much of VH1's "I Love the Millenium" and "'80's One-Hit Wonders". Facebook is partly at fault, since it has wonderfully brought me back into contact with friends from years ago. Blogs and the internet spur on this desire in me to reach back and remember the people who've come and gone in my life.

Right now though, my nostalgia is mainly because I had the best time the other night hanging out with one of my best friends, Jessi. You know those friendships that just seem to continue on, span a decade or more, without a ton of effort on either of your parts. You know what I mean, the friendships where you wish you saw each other more, or talked more often, but it's solid despite the gaps. One of those pick-up-the-phone-and-easily-catch-up-and-enjoy-every-second-of-the-conversation kinda things. Jessi and I don't see each other nearly as often as we did in High School, where we nerdily spent many hours at the school (until janitors tried to kick us out) working on the High School newspaper in the journalism room, while eating Kraft Cheese and Crackers. Yet, she's one of the first people I think of when I have "I'm pregnant," "I'm hurting," "I'm celebrating," "I'm pissed," or "I'm happy," kinda news.

Jess and I got together a few nights ago, sitting in Village Inn for four hours, eating pie until well after 11:30PM. I think the waitresses hated us. My husband was starting to wonder if I'd been in an accident or had fled the state, leaving him with our two young children. Jessi and I could have talked all night, had it not been a school night for Jessi, an elementary school teacher, and I hadn't had a nursing baby at home. We caught up, we talked about the future, and we reminised. Oh, how I love to reminise. We were laughing and reminding and reliving so many experiences, relationships, jokes and stories that have come and gone, ebbed and flowed, made up the backbone of what is our friendship. It made me fondly look back at the things and people that have influenced me since high school, and even before that.

It made me want to throw a big reunion party, for all the people who were ever my friends. They wouldn't all know each other. We may not really even know each other anymore, but I'd like to say thanks to people who made a difference in my life. Were there for me. I could even say made me a better person, or influenced me for the better. Heck, I wouldn't have the deep love and appreciation for hockey, Jimmy Eat World, Wasatch Broiler, drive by stalking, purple eyeliner or Dylan McKay if it weren't for some of the best friends I could've had. Especially at those points in my life. The guest of honor would have to be Greg though, the best friend I could have ever hoped for. I might be a little embarassed though, when all my other 'best friends' throughout the years started to share their stories . . . . I don't think Greg's heard 'em all. Probably best if it stays that way. :-) You do and say some of the stupidest stuff around the people you love and trust the most. I mean really, one of the reasons to stay close to friends from days gone by is that anyone who's heard your unending and passionate list of reasons you and Kirk Cameron should be married, should be closely monitored. Some things shared between friends should be taken to the grave.