Three Months

It was March 27th when we first met with a Pediatric Gastroenterologist, and within minutes she said, "Sounds like Ellie has Celiac."



April 2nd, the other three kids met with the same doctor, and the decision was made they also needed endoscopies because of suspicious symptoms.

April 5th was Ellie's first endoscopy. Annie and Isaac were a few weeks later, the 26th.  Owen was scoped last on May 3rd.

By May 8th, I had all of their diagnoses, and my world was completely turned upside down.

Since then I have felt some of my deepest lows, some of my biggest fears, greatest frustrations and anxiety like I never had experienced before.  But, I feel like things are starting to even out.  I'm not as afraid as I was, though it does roll over me in waves at times.  I'm relaxing a little, not on their diets, but on how their diets make me feel.

This Friday Ellie has her follow up endoscopy.  I'm excited (for potential good news), anxious, nervous and slightly bitter and grumpy about the costs.  Two weeks later the other three children will get scoped again (though we may push off Owen's scope for another couple weeks, I'm still waiting to talk to the G.I.'s office about it.)

I can't believe it's been three months since Ellie's first scope.  I can't believe in the last three months I've learned all about this disease, and we've transitioned to such a restricted diet.  I can't believe I've weaned my baby, because of a fear that I was doing him more harm than good.  I can't believe how many times, sometimes daily, I crumple under the pressure and sob to release it all.  I can't believe how many times my children have gracefully turned down food that others are eating, almost nonchalantly, and I can't believe how heartbreaking it is when that's not the case and I have to carry away a crying or screaming child from food other kids are eating. I can't believe how much my two year old tosses around words like 'gluten free diet' and 'we're dairy free'.   I can't believe Owen hasn't gained any weight in this last three months, and I am at a loss of what to do about it.

But, we're on our way to more answers.  Hopefully good ones.  Hopefully not more questions.  Hopefully our hard work and dedication in paying off.  And maybe by the time we go on vacation later this summer, my kids will be able to eat peanut butter and nuts -- 'cause, man, that would make things easier!  :-)