"That's a Bad Word"

I remember the first time I said a 'bad word' in front of a kid.  I was having a conversation, when suddenly my friends' child, who was sitting next to me, gasped and said, "You said the 's' word!"  I was shocked, "No, I didn't!" I gasped back.  Not only is that not a word I routinely throw out in random conversations, but it's most definitely not something I'm gonna say in front of a young child!  He glares at me and says, "Yes, you did, you said," then dropping to a whisper, "stupid."

I stood there for a second, and it kinda took all I had not to argue with a six year old that that was quite possibly the dumbest (or stupidest) thing I'd ever heard -- that's not the 's' word.  That's not swearing.

And yet, here we are, years later and I hear at least a few times a week from my children, "Mom! Stupid's a bad word!"

Here's the thing.  I don't think 'stupid' is a bad word.  I think there are some words that we should teach our children not to say, then there are words we should teach them to use judiciously.  And yet, here I am teaching my kids not to say the word 'stupid', 'cause I don't want them to be the 'foul mouthed' child at someone else's house.  I don't want another adult correcting my child in public, "Don't say stupid, that's not nice."  So, for now, we've just told them not to use the word stupid.  Which has backfired horribly on me, 'cause I'm constantly being reamed for my usage of this pseudo-swear-word. 


But seriously, some things are stupid.  And I want my children to understand that.  And I want them to know how to use the word appropriately.  Not just put a kibosh on a completely legitimate, useful word.  Should I allow my children to ever call another person stupid (even possibly one who is being stupid) . . . no, I don't think so.  I wouldn't allow that, it would fall under 'name calling', which is something I'm trying to teach them not to use.  (Even if Ellie was calling people 'Bobo Monkies' last night).  But running in the street.  That's just stupid. Trying to balance a wildly out of whack budget without touching on military spending but wanting to cut PBS, that's just stupid.  I want my kids to understand that some things are just bad ideas, and in fact, they're stupid.   But apparently, I can't let them say it without people calling them on it and telling them not to use bad words.  Don't words have the power we assign them -- do we really need to 'create' new bad words?  Don't we already have enough?  I get that some families are going to allow their kids to use the word 'behind', some will say 'bottom', others will refer to their child's backside as 'their pockets' and some just might cry out at dinner for the sixth time, "On your BUTT!  Now!"   I have no problem with each family picking the words they're most comfortable using, and encouraging use of said words.  But does it actually do any of us any good to arm our children with more ways to 'classify' people as good or bad, by teaching them that people who say words we don't are being 'bad'.  Or, are we all better off teaching our children a single standard of politeness and decency that raises to the highest common denominator?  I want my kids at the highest common denominator, don't I?  Then why is it I think fake swear word standards are just so, well, stupid?  (And yet, here I am, teaching them not to say it, even when I don't agree with the logic . . . that's stupid too, right?)




(Edited to add:  here was a comment I left below that probably better clarified where my real issues with this lie:
My kids would be in big trouble if I heard them call a friend 'stupid' . . . name calling, especially bullying, is pretty zero-tolerance around here.  You know how I feel about this :-)
And maybe a distinction between using the word as descriptive vs. insulting is one small children can't make for awhile, thus the ban on the word.  I just really have this weird issue with outright banning a word, that can be usefully descriptive, from our vocabulary, and making it 'bad', when I don't feel it necessarily has to be.  But, they're little kids, and it's identified in their circles as 'bad', so what choice do I have but to ban it too?  I just got thinking about this last night, when a dog ran in front of our car and I pointed out it was stupid for the dog to run in the road in front of a vehicle.  Ellie immediately ripped me a new one for saying a 'bad word', and I was just sitting there trying to argue with my three year old that , 'no, in this instance, that is a very apt word -- that it is very stupid for the dog to run in front of traffic 'cause it could be killed for playing in the road.'  I guess 'it's a bad idea' is the same concept, but I wanted the situation to have more gravity. 
I also found that since we 'banned' the word stupid, NOW the girls will call each other that when they're mad, whereas before, they never did.  I now have to get really upset with them and do time outs and stuff over a word that had never crossed their minds before to use meanly.  I guess that's my big issue -- by banning it, have I given it more power and made it more negative that it had to be?)

Why No Mother, Why Would You Think I Scavenged Cheetos off the Ground?

They Say It's Your Birthday, Na na na na na . . .

So, today is my birthday.  Greg got the day off of work, 'cause I'm that special.  (Or 'cause my birthday is Memorial Day -- but it's probably more the 'that special' thing.)


Greg brought me toast in bed before I even sat up . . . but then again, he's been doing that every morning, 'cause I feel like puking if I don't eat before I get out of bed.  Yay for ever-increasing-morning-sickness.


I had the weirdest realization about my birthday this year.  I'm pregnant on my birthday.  Just like I was LAST YEAR.  How crazy is that?!  It's times like that when it suddenly hits me just how close together these two pregnancies really are.  :-)


Well, I'm off to celebrate being 32 . . .or more accurately, going to various cemeteries and visiting distant relatives.  Y'all just wish your birthdays fell on national holidays!



(Here's last year's birthday post, where I realized how far I've come from being the month-long-birthday-girl who reveled in her Memorial Day birthday where tons of second cousins twice removed remembered me as the birthday girl at our annual family reunion, to now, where both Greg and I keep forgetting to plan anything for our birthdays 'cause they just kinda sneak up on us!  The best part was where last year I recounted an exchange between Greg and I, where the night before my birthday he was all, "Um, I forgot to get anything ready . . . ", 'cause we had the EXACT same conversation last night.)  :-)

Thomas the Train

I already posted pictures of the two baby boys on the train pulling hair and kissing . . . but here's the other pictures from the day of the kids and their cousins.  Greg's brother Chris, his wife Liz and their kids, unfortunately (for us, I'm sure they'll be glad to be home again) are headed back home after spending several weeks here in Utah.  It's going to be weird adjusting to not just seeing the boys whenever we want!  (If anyone knows of any amazing job opportunities for a genius patent attorney, let me know . . . the right job could get them back out here!)

My nephew, Connor, LOVES Thomas the Train . . . he's like a walking Thomas dictionary.  But when we came up to the first poster to stand in front of, he wanted nothing to do with it . . . apparently Diesel 10 (the middle one) is mean, and there was no way Connor was gonna stand by him . . .

 Thomas on the other hand . . .

Here's the four older cousins.  Most of the time both Liz and I have kids that are the exact same ages.  Like, when Liz and the boys first came out to Utah in May, we each had a four year old, a two year old, and a baby under one.  But, with both girls' birthdays in May, they're currently different ages for awhile . . . and for a brief period in July, the cousins will be 5 (Annie), 4 (Connor), 3 (Ellie), 2 (Nathan), 1 (Isaac), 0 (Ian).  But, by the end of October, it'll be back to two 5 year olds, two three year olds and two one year olds.  I went and threw everything off by getting pregnant and having another one so soon -- and (selfish, selfish) Liz, refuses to have another one with me, just so we have another set of same aged children next year.  Can you believe it?  :-) 

 Here's Grandma and Grandpa with five of their six grandchildren.  And Sir Topham Hat.  

The kids loved playing with the train sets.  And then there's adorable Ian with his equally adorable Aunt Andrea, watching the kids play with the trains.

 Ellie, very seriously, shaking her groove thing alongside the percussion artist who was playing.

Then we actually boarded the train -- here's Grandpa and Connor.  Probably the groups' two biggest train aficionados.

 Ellie, Annie, Nathan (looking out the window, 'cause that's way cooler than mugging for a camera) and Aunt Andrea.

 The mamas and the babies -- Nathan and Liz, sharing a tiny cramped bench with Isaac and me.

 Connor and Grandma.

 Andrea amused by Nathan's uncertainty about wearing Ellie's flower in his hair.

 Ellie spent the entire train ride with her head out the window like this.  I think out of all the kids, surprisingly, she seemed the most into the train ride and just taking it all in.

 Annie & Nathan with Grandma.

 Aunt Andrea got Ian to sleep!  Three cheers for sleeping babies!  (Isaac never did sleep while we were there.  And it showed . . . that kid got grumpy.)

 Annie and Daddy with their balloon hats -- Annie's face is a bit red and splotchy, 'cause her balloon animal (elephant?!) had just popped . . . so Dad came to the rescue and went and got her and him matching balloon hats.

It was fun.  It's just sinking in now that I can't just call up Liz and say, "Hey let's go to the park/make s'mores/go to a movie/play in our backyard," now that they're on their way back home.  It was a lot of fun while it lasted though.  And if y'all just find a good enough patent attorney position to bribe Chris out here with, we can return to our charmed life of spending time with cousins whenever we want (and one or more kids isn't sick) . . .

Preschool Graduation

After a long day of hanging out with Thomas the Train, we headed back down the canyon to get home in time for Annie's Preschool Graduation (we made it, with a whole 7 minutes to spare!) 

Annie had fun singing and performing in their little program (alongside her best friend, Sarajayne).

 Our little cheeseball was the only kid to stop and pose both while getting her year-end folder . . .

 . . . and while walking back to her seat . . .

 Afterwards with Grandpa KC.

 And her beloved teacher, Ms. Jenny

 Ellie was having fun sneaking off with Annie's new 'graduation bear' that Grandma Karine had given Annie before the festivities began . . .

 Ellie happily talking with Ms. Jenny too -- Ellie's super excited about starting Preschool this year.

 Annie with her friends Ryan and Aiden.

Ryan is about the cutest thing in the entire world -- not only was he belting out the songs in the program louder than anyone else, but we repeatedly heard him loudly whispering to all his grandparents, "That's Annie!  Over there!  That's her, that's Annie!"  He possibly has a bit of a crush :-)

 Grandma Ruth, Annie and Grandpa KC -- who also rushed from Heber City to get back down to our neck of the woods in time to change and get to the graduation.

 Daddy, Annie & Mommy

 Ellie & Mommy

 Grandma Karine, Grandpa Robert and the girls . . .

Cousins

Yesterday, we spent the day up in Heber City, to go see Thomas the Train.  We went with Greg's family, as there's only a few more days where my cute nephews are still in town.  The kids all had a lot of fun (until they all began to systematically melt down from over-stimulation and exhaustion.  :-) You should see an overly tired Annie when her animal balloon pops . . . you do not want to be in her wake!) 

I have a ton of pictures, but a few of the two little boys on the train had to be my very favorite.

First, it's Isaac kissing his cousin Ian :-)

Then below that is Isaac saying 'hi' to Ian . . . by pulling his hair (I think he was just so shocked to find that other babies have hair!)

Ian looks so happy, then upset, hurt and confused by his treatment.  :-)

Isaac just seems to be enjoying himself immensely.  :-)  The last picture is just like, "That was cool, Mom!" And Ian's little face is like, "What the crap just happened to me?" 

And Then I Figured Out, "Holy Crap, I'm Pregnant?!"

(Warning in advance:  this mentions 'periods' . . . and not punctuation . . . um, if that somehow offends your sensibility, you should probably stop reading.  Probably this blog in general.  I also talk about potty training a lot, and trust me, that's about to ramp up again . . . )

In Disneyland, I felt a bit different.  "Hmmm," I thought when I started spotting, "maybe my periods are starting?"  Which was disappointing, since I didn't have such things start up again until my other babies were over a year old, and Isaac was only 10 months.  Must be the altitude change, I thought.  The whole week, I spotted.  I know I had the fleeting thought once or twice, "What if I'm pregnant."  But that was crazy talk.  I mean, dude, there's NO way.  Then after a few days of no more spotting, I thought my period was over, and we were driving home.  And I felt crappy.  And started spotting a lot more.  About half way through the drive, I turned to Greg and said, "I don't think this is a period . . . I think I'm pregnant.  And miscarrying."  Before I'd gotten pregnant with Isaac, the same thing had happened.  I'd gotten pregnant without having a period and while being on the pill, and I started spotting, thought it was a period, after a week it ramped up and I realized it was a pregnancy that was miscarrying.  This, I assumed, was the same thing.  I was kinda numb.  We pulled into the garage after our long drive, I ran straight upstairs, rummaged through my bathroom, found a pregnancy test and tested.  It turned positive in like 2 seconds flat.  I've never had one turn positive so fast (I've also always known I was pregnant before 4 weeks along, so those tests take longer to turn positive.)   I was definitely in shock.  I dragged Greg in and made him stare at it with me.  He'd just drove all day long, and was like, "OK, whatever," and went back in to get the kids ready for bed.   This was all on a Saturday.  On Monday, I called my midwives office, "Oh," they said, "Why don't you just take it easy for a few days, and call us if it gets worse . . . "  That seemed less helpful to me.  I called an OB's office where I'd gone before I started seeing my midwife, "Why don't you come in for a series of hcg bloodwork . . . we'll see if your numbers are going up or down?"  So, feeling pretty much my most self conscious, I dragged three screaming children to the hospital with me for blood work.  At the registration desk, Annie and Ellie are fighting, Isaac's shrieking in his car seat, and they ask me, "You're here for blood work, correct?'  "Yes."  "An hcg test," she asks as she stares at Isaac, "for pregnancy, I assume?"  "Um, yes."  While getting my insurance information copied and filed, "So, you're hear for a pregnancy test?"  "Uh huh."  "Wow, someone has their hands full!" as Ellie throws herself to the floor screaming, and I'm trying to nonchalantly shove Cheerios in hers and Isaac's mouths.  Then at the lab, "So, you're here for a pregnancy test, right?" the lady asked, as Isaac hollered at both of us and the girls kicked each other.  "Um, yeah." 




The next day, I called the OB's office.  The nurse couldn't come to the phone, but she wanted to discuss the results with me, so she'd have to call me back.  I waited, then finally got the call.  My hcg numbers were over 50,000.  To put that in perspective, my little sister had hers tested around 5 weeks along, and hers were 3500.  I was all, "Wow, that's high . . . so, do I come in tomorrow to get another test done?"  She laughed and said, "No, we don't retest when you're that high . . . we will just need to get you right in for an ultrasound to date this pregnancy!"  Then they scheduled my appointment and ultrasound for TWO WEEKS away.  I knew I didn't have the patience for that.  So, I called my midwives office again, this time telling them I already knew my hcg numbers, and they were all, "Oh wow, you're anywhere from 6-12 weeks along with numbers like that!  Let's guess on the low end and say you're seven weeks . . . then we'd want to see you around 11 weeks, and we'd want to get an ultrasound before 12, since they date better before 12, so why don't we have you come in, oh, three weeks from now."  Um, what?  Why is nobody understanding that (although I know it doesn't change anything) I'm going to have a freaking heart attack if someone doesn't tell me how far along I am?!  So I pushed back with, "Um, I really want to know when I'm due . . . please?"  She seemed surprised, and was all, "Oh, I guess you could come see her tomorrow then . . . she could check with the doppler and that should tell us how far along you are."  Um, I wasn't going to argue, 'cause I finally talked a provider into seeing me that next day, but dude . . . a doppler is NOT going to tell me how far along I am.  It will or will not tell me if they can pick up a heartbeat, which frankly tells us nothing more than the hcg test.  But, I was getting to see someone the next day, so I shut up.  I got in and saw my midwife.  Who laughed when she walked in the door.  "Didn't I just see you," she teased.  She didn't even try the doppler, 'cause as she put it, "It wouldn't tell us anything."  Right?!  That's what I said . . . well, thought to myself!  Then she said, "The very earliest you could be would be around 6 weeks, unless they're multiples," she teased again.  Not funny, dude.  :-)  "So, I wouldn't want to do the ultrasound 'til you're at least 7 weeks, so we'll wait a week and then do an ultrasound.  My heart sunk to the freaking floor.  I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW PREGNANT I AM.  We went out to make the appointment (you go to the OBs office for ultrasounds), and I mentioned that Thursday didn't work for me.  How about Wednesday?  Um, not so great.  She looked at me, smiled, and said, "Tell you what . . . how's Monday . . . "  I grinned, "Perfect."


Since hearing my hcg blood work results, that whole week was a combination of, "How cool would it be if I'm like 11 weeks along and just didn't know I was pregnant?!" and "Dang, what if I'm only like 5 weeks along with twins!?"  :-)  And, as the spotting spaced out even more, I was really realizing for the first time that 'this might really be happening . . . we're gonna have another baby.'

So, Monday I went in for an ultrasound.  The first thing I said after watching for about 10 seconds is, "There's only one in there, right?"  She laughed and said, "So far . . . but yeah, it looks like just one."  The ultrasound showed our baby to be 8 weeks along, (further than my lowest guess, and gut instinct, but not as far along as I'd been secretly hoping) with a heart rate of 170, a cool looking spinal cord and still kinda shaped like a bean.  And doing perfectly well.  Things sunk in.  And I was really happy.  If not still a bit mildly terrified.  I was pregnant less than a year ago, you know?  And my baby doesn't even have teeth yet . . . are you allowed to be pregnant if your baby still doesn't have teeth?  Or walk?  Or talk?  Or sleep through the freaking night? 

It'll be OK.  (That's my new mantra).  And the countless stories people have shared of their kids who are 13, 15, 16 or 17 months apart, help a lot.  :-)  
This is really happening . . . and I really think it's supposed to . . .

Practically Inhumane

Dear OB Offices Everywhere,

If you ask a pregnant woman to consume 32 ounces of water an hour before an ultrasound appointment, then tell her to refrain from peeing, then leave her waiting out in the waiting room, not even acknowledging her presence, for 30 minutes past the time of her appointment (after telling her to arrive 15 minutes early) . . . that is just cruel and unusual punishment.

Sincerely,
An Irritated Pregnant Woman Whose Bladder Nearly Burst in the Middle of Your Freaking Waiting Room.


(Um yes, I'm pregnant.  Crazy, right?  Please say nothing but super supportive and encouraging things, like how two babies (less than) 18 months apart will be the best thing that ever happened to me, and how you're greatest, sweetest, favorite (although you'd never admit it), smartest, funnest, most loving child came from a completely unexpected pregnancy, and although you'd never have chosen to be pregnant again so soon (not in a million and a half years), it turned out to be the greatest thing ever.  Thanks for your cooperation.) 

Edited to add:  I did finally get my ultrasound.  Where she asked me to go pee first, since my bladder was too full.  Of course.  Once again, I was blown away by the stampeding sound of a 170 bpm heartbeat, and we got to see a tiny little spinal cord and strong beating heart of our tiny peanut.  We're due 1/2/2012.  My sister in law tells me that the Chinese Gender Chart says we'll be having a girl.  It's been wrong every single time, so I'm hoping this means I get a little boy.  'Cause, dang, if I'm gonna have two kids less than 18 months apart, it could at least work out so Isaac has a little brother this close in age.  :-)

Another Cupcake Breakfast (and Therefore Another Birthday)

Ellie's tribute from last year, since the laziness continues.
I took all kinds of pictures of the kids eating another cupcake breakfast, and opening presents, and Ellie riding her new tricycle and them making cupcakes -- but, Greg has the camera, and he's gone all day with the girls (went somewhere with his parents, but I'm not feeling so hot, so I'm home with Isaac), so I can't add pictures yet.  I will though, soon.  I just didn't want Ellie's birthday to go unmentioned.  So, Happy Birthday Ellie!  I can't believe you're three already!  (Way weirder to me than Annie being five years old, for some reason.)
Ellie's been saying for awhile, she'd potty train when she turned three, so when I asked her on her birthday if we should get on her panties, she said, "No, Mom, I'll just wear a diaper. Thanks."  "But Ellie, I thought you were going to wear big girl panties when you turned three . . ."  "Well Mom," she reasoned, "I am not really that tall . . ." as she held her hand just above her head to indicate her shortness, and therefore, 'too-little-to-wear-panties-ness'.  Sigh.  :-)

Breakfast of Champions (or Birthday Girls)

Today is my little girl's 5th birthday. 

Happy Birthday Annie!

We had our traditional 'breakfast cupcakes' we get on birthdays -- which means we had them today for Annie's birthday and we'll have 'em again tomorrow for Ellie's birthday.

 I'm too tired and lazy to go through and pull all the old pictures of her on various other birthdays, but I did a nice little tribute last year, so let's all just go check that out instead . . . :-)

Annie is very bummed that Daddy works late tonight, 'cause we don't get to open presents 'til 6:30 tonight now . . . but I keep assuring her, it'll be worth the wait :-)

 Ellie was enjoying the cupcakes today too -- and she's pretty insistent today is her birthday too.

None of that waiting for tomorrow crap Mom keeps talking about :-)

Las Vegas

The last day in California, we headed to Corona Del Mar and played at the beach for a bit.  Then we headed to Vegas to stay over night.  Our hotel had the coolest swimming pool.  The girls fell head over hills in love.  The swimming pool had an actual beach, and warm shallow water where the girls played in it all evening, then in the morning before we left to drive home.  When we told Ellie we were getting to go home, she cried, "NO! We don't have a pool at home!"   Also, on the drive, Ellie wasn't quite able to believe we'd really have to drive this far, so when we reached Cedar City, Ellie freaked out and exclaimed, "You passed it Daddy!  You passed our house!  Go back!"  It was kinda heartbreaking to tell her we still had hours to go :-)

Annie and Grandpa.

Last Day at Disneyland

Our last day at Disneyland included a two hour wait to meet the Princesses.

It was a group effort -- we took turns waiting, while Greg and my Dad took turns taking the kids on rides. 

In the end though, the whole wait was worth it -- the girls were beyond thrilled to talk with the Princesses.

Waiting in line . . .

Finally!  We got to meet Ariel.

 And Snow White.

And lastly, Cinderella.

Waiting in line to see Minnie Mouse.